In that same preschool, they used to have us watch tv before they sent us home. They’d make us all gather around their crappy old tv and watch cartoons, and normally I liked cartoons, but they’re not quite as fun when you’re watching them with a score of snot nosed brats who don’t know how to shut the fuck up. So I found other ways to amuse myself.
One afternoon, they had us watching Darkwing Duck reruns, and I couldn’t hear a goddamn thing because their ancient tv had two volume settings, mousefart and off. So I was sitting towards the back when I decided I was going to rhyme stuff with Darkwing Duck, cause that’s what I did when I was bored back then. So I’m sitting there saying Darkwing Buck, Darkwing Wuck, Darkwing Tuck, etc.
At this point you might have picked up on the trend, and realized there’s only so many letters you can put in front of uck, and as (Darkwing) Luck would have it, I shortly made it to Darkwing Fuck. I was six at the time and had no idea fuck was a bad word, or even a word at all. But that little conniving bitch sitting next to me did, and there’s no way she was going to let me off the hook.
“What did you just say”
Darkwing Fuck says I, matter of factly and slightly proud of my rhyming abilities.
“I’m telling on you”
At this point I’m really confused, and pissed as this girl goes running over to the “teacher”. The teacher gets up and walks over to me.
WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?
It rhymes with duck?
DON’T YOU TALK BACK TO ME YOUNG MAN, WHERE DID YOU HEAR IT?
Thinking as quickly as I can and confused as fuck, I pick the first person who comes to mind. My father, let that bastard take the blame for this one. I get stuck in the corner until my mom picks me up, and the “teacher” explains what happened and that she’s concerned about my home life and my father. Big mistake. Instead of being pissed at me, she bitches out the “teacher” about how she has no idea what I’ve been through or what our home life is like and that’s it’s none of her business.
I get off with not so much as a word about it.